"Bloom Where You are Planted"

On Saturday I and two other amazing women had the privilege of sharing with 150 ladies at the Grace Fellowship Ladies' Spring Brunch. I was very overwhelmed as I pieced my thoughts together, finishing at 12:30am on Saturday. Considering I had to be up twice during the night to feed Julie, I may have slept for 4 1/2 hours, cumulatively. So, I felt somewhat in a fog when I arrived for the brunch. However, God truly blessed me with clarity of thought and speech, and all went well, to Him be the glory. I hope my words encouraged at least one person that morning. Here's what I shared.

"The theme of our gathering is "Bloom Where You are Planted." As I have been reflecting on this title, I couldn't help but ponder of all the different soils God has planted and re-planted me in over the past 32 years. I was planted in Russia, a fairly small city by Russian standards (only 70 thousand people!). My Moscow-born husband still sometimes makes fun of me being a village girl! :)

At 16, God picked me up and planted me many miles away, across the Atlantic, to a City of Hartland, Wisconsin, of 6 thousand people, as an exchange student. Since then, He planted me in Missouri, Wisconsin again (where I met my husband), Washington DC, Florida, and finally here. In fact, this is the longest I've ever lived anywhere since Russia - six and a half years!

Everywhere we moved, God arranged circumstances in just the perfect way and at the perfect time to grow and prepare me for our next move. Working at a large church in Florida definitely prepared me uniquely for our move to Kentucky and my new job at the Grace Fellowship office.

The six years that I worked there were incredibly fruitful and blessed. There was never a day that I regretted being there or didn't enjoy working there. I loved doing research for Pastor Brad's sermon, making PowerPoints for his counseling workshops, designing various materials, meeting wonderful people coming to the office or calling on the phone, and just working alongside some of the most amazing and godly people I've ever met. My days were always busy and I felt such satisfaction when checking that last thing off my to-do list every Friday. I was excited to serve God and this church. I was definitely blooming!

However, God was getting ready to re-plant me again. Even though I loved my job, I also longed to be home more, especially considering my husband's unpredictable pilot schedule. I didn't want to be home full-time, just more, having the best of both worlds. After months of working on my heart, God revealed to me that He would work on me the most if I were home full-time.

So, on Friday, December 31st, I shut the office door for the last time, shutting the door on a huge part of my life. Having grown up in culture essentially devoid of stay-at-home mothers, I was plunging into an unknown. As I drove home that afternoon, I could barely see through the tears. I prayed out loud that I was not doing this to make my life easier, because I knew it would be much harder. I told God that I was doing it for His glory and I needed His help.

I wish I could tell you how I've been blooming where God has planted me. In reality, I feel like the rose bush in our front yard right now. I heavily pruned it in November and now we are seeing new little shoots. In the past three months, God pruned so many of my branches!

He cut off the branch of self-confidence and the branch of my often idolatrous desire for productivity. In fact, even when I'm home all day, I often feel like I get NOTHING done, even though I'm busy every minute! And it seems like the to-do list is not shrinking, but instead getting longer. God also cut off the branch of a false view of myself - it's easy to think of yourself as a patient, kind and gentle person when working with wonderful Christian staff! God has been showing me just how sinful I am - how impatient and easily angered I can be with those I love the most! He cut off the branch of competency. I went from as my sweet co-worker and friend Jackie McFadden called me, "The One Who Knows All" to "The One Who Has No Clue," and often feeling utterly desperate and helpless as a mother.

However, as I'm being pruned, I'm thrusting myself into God's care more than ever. As I sit and nurse my 7 week-old daughter, my roots are daily absorbing God's Word, Morning & Evening Devotions by Spurgeon and the timeless and convicting Valley of Vision prayers. Those hours take my focus off of my puny rose bush and help me see a glimpse of God's big picture for my family and me, which is to make me more like His Son Jesus. My arms are full with three precious girls whose souls I am privileged to disciple, I am loved and supported by a wonderful husband, I am encouraged by a caring small group, but most importantly, I know I am walking in God's will and He is with me every step of the way. I am "confident of this, that He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." I pray that the roses will start blooming, even if it takes years."