Summing up 2011

These last few days I have spent a lot of time thinking about this past year and how different my life was from before. On December 31, 2010, I drove home after my last day at the church office, crying, and feeling lost in the world. Dmitri was flying and the girls were up north with their grandparents. A big chapter in my life ended – my life as I had known it being a full-time working mom. For weeks before January 1st, I was making one list after another, planning out the days and weeks of my new career. My to-do lists got longer and longer but I was convinced that I would finally accomplish all (or most) of the things that I had been yearning to do for years and never had the time. A year later, I looked back and realized that close to none of those things actually got done! What? I was SOOO busy, every day! I can’t believe that 365 days went by and I NEVER sat down to scrapbook Natalie’s or Julie’s albums, I NEVER sat down to pore over design tutorials online or finally learned Photoshop – that I had been eager to have for years. As I started to feel a bit depressed, Dmitri gently reminded me that I actually accomplished a lot last year. For one thing, when I was making all those lists, I never considered (or even imagined) that I would end up home schooling a first- and a third-grader, while nursing a baby every few hours. WOW! That changed my time-management in a huge way…

Now, I do know a few super-moms who are home schooling, blogging, cooking incredible meals, scrap booking, reading amazing books… And I too want to do so much, but in 2011 I spent quite a bit of time getting to know my kids, teaching them about forgiveness again and again, getting to know myself (and not liking it often), and getting to know this new career of a stay-at-home, home schooling mom, AND a wife of a pilot with his crazy schedule.

It is January 3 and my sweet baby turned 11 months… What an amazing time this has been. We have made so many memories as a family, and I have tasted God’s mercy and grace like never before. I am praying for 2012 to be filled with love and gratitude – first in my heart; and may my children see it and learn it from me. I can sum up 2011 with this – I lived that year knowing that there was NOTHING that I would ever regret, even if everything didn’t get checked off of my to-do list. Nothing is more valuable than time with my girls and my husband and I feel that time was spent well last year.

The perfect morning

I just want to do a quick post to mainly serve one purpose - to remind myself on some future gray and frazzled day how incredibly blessed I am. Today was the perfect morning and I could've not imagined it any better.

Dmitri and I slept in until 9am - thanks to Julie, who didn't make her presence known until about 10! (Well, I did feed her around 6:30am). While I was in the shower, he ran to the store and then started cooking breakfast with Emily and Natalie. After the shower, I peacefully nursed Julie while reading the Bible (on my phone - it's the easiest way!), while the delicious aroma wafted into the bedroom. Julie and I came down to behold a feast of scrambled eggs (by Emily), apple pancakes (by Natalie) and sausage patties (by Dmitri, but I will not elaborate on the condition of the sausage... The Lord would have been pleased with that offering). After we all ate, I enjoyed watching Dmitri, Emily and Natalie tickle fighting on the floor. It looked too good to resist, so I joined them. Dmitri then said that something was missing... and brought in Julie to join our fun. After good 20 minutes of squealing, snorting, sweating and laughing, I sat at the piano and we all sang Dmitri's favorite song from our childhood Russian movie.

After this spontaneous music number, I went to do the dishes and a while later I breathed a sigh of satisfaction seeing the kitchen sparkle, including the stove and the sink. By this point the baby was ready for her nap. So, this brings us to now, 12:45pm. The first load of laundry is going, the baby is sleeping, the girls are making bead jewelry, and I'm just about to bring out the school books. Ok, the afternoon may not go perfectly... But I am extremely thankful for God's grace and the blessing of my family. May this always be on the forefront of my mind, no matter how the kids behave or how messy the house is. Dmitri wisely says that it's signs of life. I want to treasure these signs for as long as possible...

Two weeks and Three weeks later

Julie's arm is healing beautifully!

This is what it looked like two weeks after the accident.

This is three weeks after the accident.

And here she is by my mom's first quilt! Mom made it herself without any fancy gadgets and made up the pattern herself.

One Week Later

So, here we are, a week later. A week ago at this time we were at Children's Hospital, and Julie, after being so rudely introduced to the intense pain that this world can cause, was finally calming down, aided by some baby drugs. Less than a week ago, I awkwardly fumbled with the gauze, bandages, adaptec, tape, bacitracin, bowls of soapy and clean water... Now I do it alone in less than 5 minutes, stat, even with her trying to wave her hands or trying to interfere.

My girls have been amazed at how God designed our bodies to heal. On Monday the docs at Shriner's gave us an excellent report, but I had a hard time believing that in 5-10 days she would have new pink skin. It just looked so gnarly, it bled and the dressing always stuck to the wounds, despite ample amounts of ointment. But, just look at it tonight! It looks beautiful and pink, so healthy. The edges of the wounds are dark - it's the remainder of the burnt skin, but it's becoming easier and easier to peel those away. The dressing didn't stick last night for the first time! Julie has been a trooper through it all, she has hardly cried as she endured all the dressing changes several times a day - and even when her arm was scrubbed at Shriner's on Monday! We are going back for a check up this coming Monday.

This evening we went to nearby Kinman Farms, and what a perfect time it was! Natalie was such a little cowgirl, loving the pony ride!

The girls picked out their little pumpkins - there were hundreds of them!

Emily looks so big on that pony... She is growing up so fast. She was taking wonderful care of Julie most of the evening, carrying her around with her, including on the hayride. At one point, Emily ran up to me as I sat by the fire, munching on my s'more. I asked her why she wasn't playing, and she said that all of a sudden she got a feeling that she needed to be by me, because she doesn't do it often. So, we snuggled together, and I told her that many years from now, she would be tucking her kids into bed at this hour, and hopefully she would remember this evening, as we sat by the fire together, quietly singing Russian camp fire songs. I felt incredibly blessed to have this sweet time with her, especially after a rocky morning together.

Here we are with Sarah and her son Josh - time has flown too fast... We first met when Josh was just a couple of months old and I was pregnant with Natalie. Sarah is one of the most generous people I know and she has blessed us with so many fun trips and events throughout these 6 years. Josh is like a brother to Emily and Natalie. And, tonight he was so attentive to Julie. I look forward to Julie getting to know Josh and her "aunt."

This evening, as it was dark and the air smelled of fire and fresh leaves and dirt, I basked in the sweetness and peacefulness of the moment. Fire was crackling, the stars were twinkling, country music was playing... I was walking back from an unlit spot where I had nursed Julie (who kept getting distracted by the bright moon), I simply stopped, closed my eyes and slow danced with her for a bit. I'm incredibly blessed and thankful for a peaceful end to our day, especially reflecting on the events of a week ago...

It started with some coupons...

Julie's 1st Hayride

By the chicken coop

(I wrote this on Saturday night...)

So, the girls and I had a rough school day, I was busy with housework, the fridge was nearly empty (it’s September 30th and I shop for the month – you get the idea!), so I was itching to get out of the house for a little bit. I had a gift card to Bath & Bodyworks and a coupon that was expiring in 3 days, so I was excited to get to the mall for the first time in over a year. We spent quite a bit of time at the store – the girls slathered themselves with just about every tester, and Natalie even got some black lotion on her. Or wait, that actually was a facial mask. A kind employee helped Natalie wash up. In the meantime, I picked out some great-smelling things for our house and we left for IHOP to meet with my dear friend Yulia and her husband Matt.

The reason we like to meet at IHOP is because every few months I get their coupons, Buy One – Get One Free entrees. Those entrees usually consist of two orders of Chicken Florentine Crêpes and two orders of Swedish Crêpes. Last night we decided to fill three coupons and ended up ordering 6 plates full of pancake goodness. We were starving and it was already past 9pm. I was busy cutting up Natalie’s crêpe, trying not to drool on it. At that moment, our sweet young server brought in a plate with two carafes with hot water for our teas, and she placed the plate squarely in Julie’s NO-FLY ZONE. For all of you who have had babies, you know what I’m talking about. For years Dmitri and I have laughed (with a measure of frustration), that no matter how hard we try to control the No-Fly Zone, waiters just LOVE to put food and drinks right in it, probably thinking, “Hey, what a nice big area for me to put down their smoking fajita skillet and a boiling pot of coffee!”

You can imagine how the next several seconds went down. Out of the corner of my eye, while the fork and the knife were still in my hands, cutting up Natalie’s food, I saw Julie grab the plate with the hot carafes as soon as the waitress set it down. A second later, her shrieks pierced the hum of the restaurant. I jumped up, fumbling to unbuckle the seat strap. Thankfully, Yulia, a nurse, immediately urged to strip Julie of her clothes – a long-sleeved fleece sweater and pants, already saturated with hot water. We worked fast, but within seconds the skin on her right arm was already broken. That’s when I started to hyperventilate… My eyes caught Natalie’s, who was already sobbing. Emily had left the table and was in the bathroom crying. A minute later, after I regained my composure, I took a screaming Julie to the bathroom to nurse. While we were there, the ambulance arrived. The EMT guy assessed Julie’s condition to be a second degree burn on her arm, and a first degree burn on her chest. He recommended going in the ambulance to Children’s Hospital, but I, foolishly thinking about the costs, first said that I would drive myself. He then urged me again, that at her age and degree of burns, we should get to the hospital ASAP, and I would never get there as fast as a speeding ambulance. I agreed, and after giving Yulia my van keys, and waving good-bye to my girls, I got into the ambulance with Julie, who was still screaming at the top of her lungs.

The ride in the ambulance surrounded me with a cacophony of the siren, honking and Julie’s screeches. It was a rough ride, and the EMT guys had to put in an IV in her hand. For some reason, they chose her right hand – that’s the one with the burns! My cell phone was about to die, Dmitri was not responding, probably being somewhere in the air, so I called Becky, our small group leader’s wife. She went to our house where Matt had taken the girls. She showed them some Bible passages; Emily got her Bible out and read from it. Natalie grabbed "Fun With Dick and Jane" and read from it too - hey, that's the only book now she's reading! :) Becky prayed with the girls and put them to bed. Oh, poor Matt had to answer a barrage of tough questions, mainly from Natalie, such as, “Is Julie going to die?” He said no. Then she said, matter-of-factly, that he was going to die someday, but sooner than her (Natalie), because he is older. He said he probably wouldn’t die before bringing the girls to the house.

In the meantime, Julie and I arrived at the Children’s trauma unit, and were promptly surrounded by a host of nurses, medical students and doctors. They assessed her and gave her some baby drugs for the pain. Shortly after she calmed down and we were taken to a room to await a response from Shriner’s, whether they needed to see her immediately or not. While we were waiting, Julie returned to her normal, cheerful self. She was singing, dancing and flashing grins to everyone who entered the room. A nurse came in to show me how to dress the burns, and she was astounded at how tough Julie was – she never cried during the whole bandaging ordeal. The doctor came by to let us know that we were free to go and that people at Shriner’s were expecting our call on Monday morning.

Yulia drove us home and generously filled up the gas tank and bought me a feast of rotisserie chicken, sushi, strawberries, and chocolate! We were ravenous as we never ate our dinner. Julie was fast asleep in her keep-sake sleeper from the hospital. Oh, besides my phone being dead, I also realized that the diaper bag was out of diapers (the doctor made a cute comment about Julie’s Nemo swimmer – I actually had swim diapers!), and there was no change of clothes. I guess I’m not getting the Mother of the Year Award…

Julie slept fairly well, though she did throw up in her sleep one time, probably from the drug. Today she was cheerful and alert, and we all had a wonderful time at a Fall Festival at Granny’s Garden on Camp Ernst Rd.

Yulia came by this afternoon and helped dress Julie’s burns for the first time. Julie complained but never cried. It had to have hurt! Tonight I had to do it by myself and it felt quite awkward… But, it’s covered with ointment and has plenty of gauze on it, including a layer of non-adhesive gauze. We are going to Shriner’s on Monday.

I’m incredibly thankful to God for all the help I got from Yulia, Matt, Becky, and for all the prayers and notes I got from many other loving people. As I have reflected on the whole ordeal, I have found numerous reasons to be thankful. The burns could’ve been worse; and I was with a friend who is a nurse and thus had the experience, knowledge and composure that I could rely on. I am a part of a wonderful Small Group that takes such care of my girls and me when Dmitri is gone.

Oh, another lesson I should learn – listening to my husband who told me not to eat out last night to save some money. And I thought I was being frugal by using coupons. Ahem…

Smiling even with the boo-boo on her arm!

My first Mother's Day

Today, on May 10, 2011, I am reflecting on all that God has done in the past 10 years. Sunday was Mother's Day, and our 3-month old Julie was dedicated at church. That day I couldn't help but think about my first Mother's Day 10 years ago. Dmitri and I were at our church, Word of Life Assembly of God, in Virginia. The pastor did a wonderful job honoring mothers that morning, first having all mothers stand up, then calling out different numbers of children, finally getting to the mothers with most children; I can't remember how many. Then he asked for the newest mom to stand up. I was doing my best to compose myself all morning, but when he got to that part, tears just started flowing. In agony, I was inwardly screaming, "I AM the newest mom!" My firstborn, Annie Angel, was just born 2 days earlier on May 11th, one day after we found out that she had died inside me at 21 weeks. I made myself remain in my seat, feeling it was unfair that another mom was standing up--her baby was 3 months old. What did it matter if the baby was here or on the other side? I knew Annie was alive, with Christ, though no one knew why she died, even after a barrage of tests on me and on her. She was perfect, with eyebrows and fingernails. In fact, the skin on her fingers already had a unique design; her finger prints and foot prints were testifying that there was no other person like her.

(The front of the card we made with Annie's foot prints)

Back to that morning... I was gritting my teeth just waiting for the service to end, which seemed to go on and on. When it was finally winding down I started to relax, when suddenly the pastor called my and Dmitri's names. Now, this was a large church, there were over 2 thousand people gathered, and we were sitting in the balcony--in a way hiding from everyone. So we were quite surprised when we heard our names called. The pastor called us up front and asked people to come up to lay hands on us and pray for us. We were beyond overwhelmed when we were surrounded with a multitude that was crying out to God on our behalf. After the prayer, as we were walking away, a young lady stopped me and said, "God will bless you! Look, He blessed me!" And next to her were standing her adorable children, a boy and a girl. Of course, at that time, I had a hard time imagining having my arms full.

Emily's Dedication, 2003

Now fast-forward 10 years... WOW! That's all I can say. 10 years ago this would've been a dream, out of my reach. Back then I would fall asleep clutching a teddy bear because I needed to hold something. Now I have three beautiful girls to hug. And frankly, there are nights when I am ready to fall over and I get frustrated with incessant requests for another song, story, sip of water, to look at an invisible (to me) boo-boo... Oh, I am so thankful for the gift of Annie! There are many reasons, but one of them is that her loss gives me a much deeper appreciation for my daughters. When I get frustrated and discouraged, I remind myself what a blessing they are. My arms could still be empty and my heart could still be longing for a child, like the women I have met over the years. Thank you, God, for allowing me to be a mother. I know you would've given me the strength to learn to be content for just having experienced carrying and holding a tiny perfect still body, even if I didn't have any more children. But, I am overwhelmed by Your grace to me, that you filled my cup to overflowing. Please forgive me for murmuring about their sinful attitudes and behavior. After all, they ARE sinners - just like me. Please lead and teach me how to bring them up in Your way, planting the Gospel bomb in their hearts. Please light the fuse when it pleases You, even if I have to wait many years. I remind myself that this is not about this life, for we are like vapor. It's about eternity. And Annie is already there, waiting for us. And, until we see her, she is in a heavenly playground, surrounded with the precious souls of Allee, Leah, Joy, and many others whom my friends here long to hold. I am praying for them too. May God fill their hearts with His supernatural peace and remind them again that it is about eternity.

Natalie's Dedication, Mother's Day 2006

(In case you didn't notice, all three girls AND mommy wore the same clothes at all three dedications. :))

"Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling... Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come." 2 Corinthians 5:1-2, 5

A few recent photos!

Julie turns 3 months old on May 3... Time is flying!